As we move through our mid 70’s and beyond, we tend to begin to dwell on some of our more pronounced fears. Some of these include fear of developing a long, lingering illness; fear of losing our driver’s licenses and loss of mobility; fear of end of life; fear of loss of independence and having to depend on others; fear of becoming frail and unable to move easily; and so many other fears relating to our chronological age. While most of these fears can be real, there are ways of restoring HOPE to the aging process. I will address one very powerful way of coping in this SeniorFlow Moment.
So, what is this message of H.O.P.E? It’s the acronym, Hearing Other People’s Experiences. I sometimes call it “Peer Engagement”.
This message of H.O.P.E. was passed on to me many years ago and has stuck in my mind ever since. It has affected the way I listen, pay attention, and otherwise participate in conversations with others, particularly in small groups such as regular dinner table conversations with small groups of 4 to 8 people.
For example, most of us in the Retirement Community where I live have past fears and traumas that we would normally not share with others. But rather than being self-conscious about the situations as some might be, we share our experiences and end up laughing at ourselves about those situations, reducing or even changing the internal representations of those fears and trauma. We all benefit from sharing our past and current experiences, our tribulations with Doctor’s appointments, and even laugh as we try and make adjustments to our hearing aids. I have often said that I feel “5 years younger” after dinner because of the laughter we have generated and shared.
In Dan Buettner’s famous book, Blue Zones, the author writes about areas of the world where more people live to be 100 than in other parts of the world. He lists a series of factors common to these “Longevity Hotspots”. One of these is to develop strong social connections and friendships where you gather socially and have conversations and tell stories about one another’s pasts and dreams.
One of the best examples of H.O.P.E. working is at an organization headquartered in the “Blue Ridge” region of Virginia, just west of Washington, DC, called the BoulderCrest Foundation. This organization helps former military servicemen and women, and first responders, who have PTSD, using a unique training series, part of which is telling their stories and listening to one another’s experiences, and relating it all to their own experiences of trauma and danger without the stigma of psychiatric intervention. Instead, they use a format called PTG which stands for Post Traumatic Growth. This process has helped thousands of former military and first responders deal successfully with the ravages of PTSD. The Veteran’s Club at the Retirement Community where I live had the privilege of visiting the BoulderCrest Headquarters in Virginia and we were literally “blown away” with what they are doing. You can find this incredible organization at www.bouldercrest.org.
Therefore I would suggest that Seniors in their 70’s, 80’s and above, consider finding or forming a social group of some kind where you get together regularly and simply socialize, have conversations, or any activities where you can share ideas, stories, insights, and have fun doing it. As in the lessons of BoulderCrest, the Blue Zones experiences, and my own experiences at the Retirement Community, H.O.P.E. can be a Positive and Fun experience that can continue the rest of your life and more importantly help you deal with the fears and trauma that many experience as we move into our later years.
If you have had any similar experiences of Peer Engagement that have helped deal with fears or traumas relating to aging, please share them in the comments online here.
Thank you for reading this SeniorFlow Moment.